I am a worry wort.  I come from a long line of many faithful worriers.  It’s true.  It used to be I could worry myself sick – about my kids, their safety, about my parents, their health, my family and their salvation, my marriage, my job, our country….and the list goes on and on.

It’s an exhausting way to live.  When worry invades, I sin, because I leave God completely out of the equation.  My weary heart cries out, God, I know you have always taken care of me.  I know you have always provided for me but I really don’t trust you to do it again. 

My Grandpa, we called him Papa, was an exception.  Papa was not a worrier, he was calm, steady, content and reassuring.   He was an incredible man; intelligent, kind, unassuming and above all purposeful with his words and actions.  A man of quiet, consistent, powerful faith.

I wish I were more like him.  Worry has never been any friend of mine.  High blood pressure, heart pounding headaches, stomach aches, anxiety.  Worry, worry, worry.  Worry tears and gnaws at my insides, allowing my mind to dwell and agonize on problems or even worse “potential” problems.  Problems that most likely will never even come to pass.

God tells us not to worry.  He tells us to stop worrying, stop trying to figure Him out, stop planning and playing God.  But I still worry and analyze every situation, each possible outcome.

God says “look at the birds “and “see how I provide and care for them”.  In my attempt to calm my worry, I reason, if He cares for the birds…He will care for me.

My Papa is no longer with us and I miss him terribly.  But if I close my eyes, I am eight years old, my family is gathered around the dinner table with Papa carefully but firmly holding his Bible.  The table set before us is absolutely over flowing with homemade deliciousness.  Buttermilk fried chicken, cheesy potatoes, artichoke and tomato casserole, warm Shaker pumpkin muffins, sweet chess pie…

Papa doesn’t say much, but turns to the spot he has specifically marked and reads out loud, God’s word.  When he has finished, he gently closes his Bible, smiles, reaches out to take my Mama’s hand and we all join in as he bows his head in prayer.

I am taught by this careful, consistent repeated act, even though my Papa, never said to me “Go read your Bible” or “Make sure you pray.”  He just simply led me there.

So when I worry, I search and dig into God’s Word.  I find His Promises for me, grab on and let them wash over me, again and again.  And I repeat these words….

He wants good for me.

He is for me.

I am HIS treasure.

He made me and will never leave me.

I am a child of the King.

As I am speaking them, they sink deeply into my heart and the worry begins to subside.  I remember every time God designed something for my good.  A deep assurance is born, He is weaving all problems into a pattern for His good, His glory.

Romans 8:28 says, And we know that in all things God works for the good those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

My Papa knew this, lived this.

Papa liked to give things….he called them “ungifts”.  An “ungift”, was something handmade or some treasure he found uniquely chosen for you.   It was always given at random times and wrapped in a brown paper sack.   He liked to craft things with his hands, a stained glass box, a garden sculpture out of barrel rings, jewelry out of copper, and wire angels for my Christmas tree.  All un-gifts from him.

When I am lost in the waves of worry, I remember Papa’s ungifts and I know that God is working on HIS “ungifts“ for me.  Gifts made of HIS hands, uniquely for me, and given when I least expect it.

One of my last gifts from Papa, he taught me to weave rugs on a loom he rebuilt.  He was not a weaver, he was an electrical engineer and loved to “figure stuff out”.  Always trying new things, he once rebuilt a Volkswagen from the ground up….I think just to see if he could.

The weave on a rug is always purposeful, planned… It’s never random.  In fact, there are exact calculations, to the centimeter, that have to be perfect for the rug to be flat, and straight.  The weaver knows these calculations and carefully, painstaking plans for each section.  Strands of light and dark are woven in to give depth, dimension and beauty.

I wanted to weave rugs with Papa just to be with him, be next to him, taught by him.  And one of the rugs he made for me, sits proudly as a reminder at the front door of my house.  He took my old torn jeans, holes and all, and wove them into a beautiful, useful treasure.  He crafted something of great value to me out of what appeared to be only worthless rags.

Each time I step across my rug, I think, this is what our Heavenly Father is doing…for you and for me, with our lives.   He is perfectly weaving dark and light, good and bad into something of great value.  God weaves and I weave next to Him.

I want God to take the lead.  I trust Him, even when I can’t see what is next, when things are foggy and I don’t know His plan.  He is leading, but I am participating.   Just like I loved weaving rugs with with Papa, I bet God loves it when we are together…making something of great value for HIS Kingdom.

And surely God loves to give us “ungifts” too, unexpected treasures uniquely crafted gifts we never imagined, in HIS way in HIS time.  Not mine.

I still worry, but now every time I get caught in that same old trap, I remind myself of His Promises and remember all the times God crafted good out of something hard.

He IS weaving a beautiful tapestry out of our lives.

My first trip to Africa was an “ungift” from God, unplanned, unscheduled, unknown.  And now I have this incredible opportunity to climb Kilimanjaro* for the children of Kenya.

I can’t wait to see what He will weave next!

*What does she mean she is climbing Kilimanjaro??

On New Years Eve morning, I am embarking with a team of 30 individuals to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, the tallest mountain in Africa!   I am excited beyond belief to be able to attempt this, and to support such a worthy cause, Missions of Hope International in the poorest region of Kenya.

We are asking for donations, which are 100% tax deductible, to help in the additional building of 6 classrooms in the Turkana region of Kenya, Africa. No one in our group will receive any funds that are donated for this trip. We are all paying our own way.  We are praying that, with your help, we will be able to hand them a check for more than $150,000.

I can’t wait to share with you in words and pictures the trip of a lifetime for me, our team, and hopefully the faces and stories of many new children as you will help them realize their dreams of having a school to attend.

Will you please join me in this effort to bring education and hope to these children?  You can go to this link to add your financial support today!  May God bless your generosity!

My fund raising page:  https://give.cmfi.org/help-build-a-legacy-3a.cause