I hate being stuck.  Maybe it’s because I am a bit claustrophobic.  Ok, it’s more than “a bit.”

It was last October, our fifth day in Nairobi and we visit another elementary school.  Only on this day my youngest daughter, Ella, is greeted by the scores of laughing children as if she is a full blown “rock star”.  The chaotic scene takes us all by surprise, as this had not happened at any other school.

Ella is truly stuck in the middle of all her adoring fans.  The giggling children maneuver (really, it’s pushing), Ella’s sisters and I to the side, so they can get up close and tight to Ella.

Through my camera lens, I catch a flash of panic beginning in Ella’s bright blue eyes.  I know exactly what she’s feeling.  I lower my camera and hold my breath, trying to decide if I need to intervene.

A nervous smile is fixed on her face, as she searches for a way out, a way to breathe.  She seeks until she finds my face. I smile and her little shoulders relax. I look her squarely in the eyes and fix my eyes to reassure her, I am with her.

We’ve all been there whether it is stuck in a line, a job, a mob of people or just stuck in life.  The result is the same, no way forward and no way out.

In my life, when I am stuck, fear can seed itself then grow and eventually reign supreme.  I panic and question if God is with me.  Like my Ella, I need assurance too.

Sometimes, I decide it is easier to hide.  I don’t want to be stuck or unstuck.  I think, maybe, just maybe, if I stand still long enough this too will pass.  I know this is not abundant living.

We are stuck at 42%.  Our Kenya team.  Our fundraising.  We are less than sixty days away from our trip in July.  Asking people for money is the worst thing ever!  I would rather God just drop the money out of the sky.  But where is my stepping out in faith?  Where I am allowing others to come in and love too?

I am leading this band and at first I start to panic.  Thinking this has something to do with my leadership skills or really the lack there of.  Over and over in my head, I repeat these words, “this is not about you…this is not about you!”

Success or failure, it’s just not about me.  I need to wash these words over me, repeatedly, because I am someone who really wants to score the goal, hit the mountain peak, cross the finish line well. These are not bad things. As long as I remember…it’s not about me.

After hiding, I move to strategizing on how to “fix it.”  My mind races, I don’t want to be stuck here. It’s time to move on.  I like to “make things happen”.  UGH!  I ask God in my heart and He reveals He is working on ME, on my patience.  The knowledge of this is like pouring salt on an open wound.  I am not patient, I know this.

Apparently, sometimes the “being stuck” is for my own good.  When I relax, the stillness draws me deeper to surrender.  My self reliant nature is being worn down.  And when I am finally able to be deeply depend on HIM, I find I am learning abundant peace.

So once again, He is teaching and I am learning, “in the stuck”.

I have been doing this for a while now.  It looks something like this; I get stuck, I try on my own, I cry out to God, finally I surrender and then step out in Faith, (enter the waiting…sometimes long waiting) and He rescues me.

Here is the great news.  Each time I do, I see His face, I get to know Him better and know His heart for me.  The result….I trust HIM just a little more.

I wish I was a faster learner or maybe just less horribly stubborn.  I don’t want to be like the Israelites who wandered in the desert; 40 years is a long time.

But this is the building of my Faith.  No need to panic, so just like Ella, I breathe, relax my shoulders and fix my eyes on HIM!

Thank you so much for your continued support and prayers for our team.  Please visit our team page: https://e91.managedmissions.com/Donations/Donate/30917